It is early. I am trying to get back on track with 6am but have the luxury of snoozing until 7. Well maybe I should say had.
The blaring song of the cardinal, outside my window, does a great job of making sure the snooze alarm is not pushed and that the neighbors in the next county are also awake. But it causes me to lay there and listen.
The reality is, I was awake before the alarm and before the cheerfulness of the cardinal’s beckoning. I don’t sleep much since we decided to move and I think this weekend helped me understand a little more.
Kelli and I had two main tasks that NEEDED to be accomplished so we could pack the rest of the house. The storage closet, hers, and the garage…yep you guessed it, mine.
While we thought they were “organized”, it wasn’t exactly the case. Organized chaos seems to label it better. But it was more than that. It was more than just the overwhelming task of going through boxes and moving stuff to the yard sale pile or the keep pile.
These were memories. I mean sure, some was just pure trash, but the rest were things we accumulated or shifted around for more than the 26 years of marriage.
The memories played through my mind like an old home movie. It told me where it came from, what had been done with it, and reminded me of fun or sad times. And I had to decide whether to part with it or take it to Montana. These memories are what is keeping me awake at night.
I think of the friendships I now have and am reminded of good memories. While building friendships is not my strongest asset, it seems the friends I do have, overlook my fault and stick around anyway.
The stories continue to come…
“Ha! I remember when I said I liked this and my buddy sent it to me in the mail.” Or “Dude, that’s a sweet knife. Let me know when you are ready to give it a different home“. Only to receive it as a birthday present later.
It is memories like this that shape who we are. They make me want to do more for people. Even during hardships it is a matter of listening or texting, just to see how things are going.
Don’t let your past prevent you from your future.
During this transition, a sound, a flash of light, a photo, a song, anything could send my mind down a rabbit hole. I know there is an adventure that waits, but I am starting to see this is harder on me than I thought.
I know Kelli thinks I am just ready to go and not worrying about how difficult it is for anyone. I put on the game face and get head strong to make things happen.
But times like this past weekend send emotions into a frenzy like a tilt-a-whirl. I’m not even sure what this weekend’s GABC Gathering will do to me.
As opposed to more rambling, I leave you with two thoughts.
- Just because people may seem cold and callous, it does not mean there is no true emotion.
- Although this is a new adventure that I am excited about, I am also saddened of many things left behind.
Be thankful for the memories. Keep them in your mind but never let them overcome you and prevent you from doing the things you love or want. Instead use them to shape the future.
One final word. If I personally forget to say thank you for the friendship, it doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it. Of course, I guess my friends have already overlooked that and truly understand.
Use your instincts to survive
P.S. Yes both tasks were accomplished in a very long and tiring weekend.